Press #1 To Continue In English...

I know I am currently in the midst of pursuing my degree, but I have never been known as dumb by any stretch of the imagination. However, after my conversation this evening with National Grid, I was left thinking, "It must be me..."

I received my utility bill and was shocked (although you would think by now I would be used to it) to see the cost to deliver our services was higher than the product we actually consumed. I know I have mentioned this before, but now I am really sick of it.

So as I prepared dinner, I called 1-800-GET-%&@#  to see what I could see. I should have known when the first prompt was to press #1 to continue in English. So I press #1 and continue entering my account number, my address, my telephone number, current weight, and blood-alcohol level, which was escalating by the minute as I remained on hold.

Finally I get a representative. I wish I could tell you his name, but he didn't press #1 to continue in English.

"Halloooo Meessuus Haaazlt...."

"Hello?"

"Yaes? Halloooo?"

I instantly knew this was going to be a mistake of GARGANTUAN proportion.

"Yes, I have a question about my bill?"

"Yaes? You bill? Accoun numma pleese?"

"Didn't I already enter that?"

"Pleese to confirm..."

And so it begins again, though he seems a bit put off by the blood-alcohol content. It's his own fault...they don't even have music to entertain me as the two-minute wait droned onto nearly five.

We finally got to the crux of the situation. Suddenly he went into this mode where he became the movie-announcer guy and like a well-scripted Brad Pitt explained everything to me. I think. He said I need to understand all the services delivery covers and it is not really bad when it is broken down. So I asked him to break it down...and his head exploded.

So I guess the long and short of it is perhaps I am not too far gone, but I must say...National Grid people, when you read this (and you will read this), I am on to you. I will keep calling until every one of your heads explodes. Because I'm quite sure...it's not me...you are bona-fide crooks.