Oh, What I Wouldn't Give...

...right now for an incredible massage.

One of those long, deep tissue massages that caress your mind into numbness.

I am quite sure my shoulders are not supposed to feel like electrified rubber bands pulling my my back into a "C" and stretching my ears down to my chest. I can actually feel my hair grow right now and it hurts to blink, I am in such desperate need of a massage.

But alas, Oprah has yet to proclaim my genius as couch-worthy, so my personal masseuse is still awaiting employment. Therefore, together you and I will try this vicarious relaxation technique I have read about in the yoga world and determine for ourselves if it works or is nothing more than hooey.

The idea is to picture yourself in total relaxation mode...so I shall visualize myself on a sunny beach with the ocean breeze gently blowing over me. The sun is warming my skin and all I can hear is the surf ebbing and flowing.

Well, I already blew this out of the park because I can't hear the ocean...I can only hear Bush blaring in my ears about a Machinehead, the vindictiveness of Xbox just caused my son to actually yell at a game to ask if it knows how stupid it is, here come the dogs tearing towards me and they aren't even allowed on the beach so this really isn't working for me.

I guess my only hope is to have a glass of wine to caress my brain into numbness. But I'm not giving up...so Oprah, when you read this (and you will read this) I am not picky about what I want in my dressing room. But a massage would be really nice.