Thursday, September 30, 2010

Knowing My Limitations...

When I was a kid I wanted to be in the Ice Capades. Our parents would take us every year and after each show I would come home determined to ice skate myself into fame. Unfortunately, the fact I couldn't (and still can't) skate backwards was an obstacle that would forever hinder me from living the dream.

I think it is good to know one's limitations. It keeps us from setting our sites on aspirations that are just, well, beyond realistic. For example...

I have at least three very dear friends who are nurses. I admire them more than I can possibly relay herein, but again, definitely not a path I was chosen to follow. For one thing, my lack of patience (no pun intended) would get me in trouble when habitual hypochondriacs berate me with ailments and I tell them to take two pills of suck-up-and-deal. There is also the not-so-insignificant fact that I just don't have the stomach for it. God granted me the grace to handle the projectile vomiting of my off-spring because I must. However, if a waft of regurgitation from someone not of my DNA  hits my nostrils I am done. In the words of Monty Python, "Bring me a bucket." I just can't do it. My stomach is so weak I've been known to gag over the eggey flatulation of the dog's silent-but-deadlies. Asking me to provide soothing bedside pearls of wisdom to complete strangers barfing, bleeding, and coughing up major organs is just not in my purvey. My dear nurse are amazing.

Another limitation for me would be a bus driver. I think this is the hardest job in the entire school district. Seriously, sometimes I can't get down the road with just three bickering passengers and not try to jump ship, I can't imagine a submarine on wheels full of them. It's not that I can't drive, 'cuz I've got mad driving skills. But despite the aforementioned skills, I don't think backing up would be in my best interest. Or sharp turns. So unless we could just go straight I just don't think I could keep my sanity long enough to actually get us anywhere. And the first time I passed the same Kindergartner's house six times because he couldn't tell me it's his house because I'm a stranger and he can't talk to strangers I would definitely be hitting the hooch. To all the bus drivers in the world...I salute you.

In keeping with my limitations, I also know I could never be an interior decorator. This has nothing to do with my taste, which I personally believe is quite stellar. It has everything to do with the fact I can't paint. My husband actually pays me not to paint. Honestly, I don't think I do that badly. He says, "Preparation is 99.9% of the job." I say, "Let's slap some color on there and get a gander at what we're lookin' at." So to those who prepare and paint and make everything beautiful....kudos to you. 

I could, however, be President.

I clip my coupons and watch my budget so I could possibly get us out of this recession.

I know how to entertain so I would hire a band and invite all the world leaders over for a meet and greet. They would then send me e-mails after the party about one another saying, "I never knew how nice they are! And all these years I thought Switzerland was just being uppity!"

I've been a den mother, a girl scout leader, a substitute teacher, etc. so my leadership skills could lend to making all these political parties get along or there will be consequences."Don't make me call your mother. I know your mother and she would be appalled by your behavior."

I also know how to garden, so I could maintain the White House Rose Garden.

Just don't ask me to paint.

1 comment:

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