And Another Thing...

I have been quiet about this way too long. And I may cross the line of political correctness, so if that makes you queasy, you may wanna get off at the next stop. Still with me? Great! Here we go...

Not too long ago I was nearly involved in a hit and run. I was standing in the pharmacy line at the local Wal-mart and BAM! A woman came flying down the aisle on one of the driving "hover-round" type carts and ran into me. It jostled me a bit and she apologized profusely, but thus began my disdain for these four-wheel-motorized nightmares. The thought crossed my mind...perhaps if she didn't have three kids hanging off the thing she would have seen me...but let's move on.

My disdain for these carts is fueled by my fear that laziness is going to be deemed the newest "disease" that can not be blamed on the human condition; it is something today's folks just can't help...it's out of their control. The majority of folks I see driving around on these things immediately prompt the thought, "Hey Satchmo, I bet if you got off the cart and actually walked around a little bit, you'd find a little exercise would alleviate the need for the cart." Luckily, I still have control of my faculties and this bit of wisdom remains a little voice in my head. I'm not crazy enough to antagonize a fleet of them to turn on me like a herd of wild buffalo and run me down in the dairy aisle.

Don't get me wrong, the guy with his leg in the full cast has my support to get in and drive till the battery runs out. Heck, I'll even grab your box of Captain Crunch off the top shelf for you; don't get up. The lady with the oxygen tank hooked to her nostrils - absolutely. That's what its there for. But to the rest of you driving around with either a) a herd of kiddies following in your wake while you bark orders at them to go find this or that; or b) the herd of kiddies actually piled on the four-wheels-of-destruction with you like its the local CDTA, I say to you: get up and walk. You may even find it refreshing. If my 87-year-old Granny can do it, then by golly so can you.

I hate pulling into what I think is a parking space only to find someone has abandoned the hover-round in the lot. Guess what? You walked into the store...park it in the store and walk back out. I'm just keepin' it real...

Wal-mart is not the only place I encounter these hell-on-wheels. They are now sharing the roadways with us. Really? Really folks? Let me tell you - that little flag on your chair waving from atop the plastic stick reminiscent of my bike when I was seven is not guaranteeing I'm gonna see you. Unless it is adorned with a NYS license plate, registration, and you have a license to operate the thing, get it out of my way. It's not a car. It can not go the speed limit. You are enticing road rage when us working folks need to get to work and you are puttering right up the middle of the lane to the entrance of the highway. I'm putting it out there now...if you are in front me and your battery runs out of juice you WILL feel the "gentle" nudge of my bumper helping you out of the way, so buckle up.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by me.