Caught In A Bad Romance...

I am in an abusive relationship.There is no doubt we need one another, but we simultaneously love and hate one another. They say admitting it is the first step to recovery, so here it is...

Me:   Hi. My name is Beth Hazelton
They: Hi Beth!
Me:   I have been in an abusive relationship with my Blackberry for three months, two weeks, and four days.
They: Applause! Applause! Applause! You are among friends! Let it go!


Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah...

Three months, two weeks,and four days ago it was time to upgrade my phone and Verizon offered me a free Blackberry. Of course, this absolutely appealed to the cheap frugal side of my nature. I told myself, "I'll never use a Blackberry, but if it's free what the heck."

I am sure this is what a heroin addict says when first introduced to Mr. Brownstone. "I won't get hooked; I'm smarter than that." Proclaiming that I would never be one of "those people" constantly plugged in and not able to walk down the street without looking at their phone, lemme tell you...

I want your love and I want your revenge...this thing has taken over my entire life.

Immediately I found everything at the tips of my fingers. I can instantly see the replies to my e-mails and facebook posts. Straight away I have receipts for my online bill pay and my calendar is synched every morning to help me function like a well-oiled machine. News dances across the screen so I constantly have my finger on the pulse of all that is important in the world.

I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your everything as long as its free...

Then came the apps. Oh my stars! The apps! They can tell me where I am, where I'm going, what I need, and how to get it. Suddenly I couldn't go anywhere without it. It sleeps on my night table just in case something interesting comes up. And it's there to greet me in the morning when it automatically awakes at 5:15 a.m. while everyone else in the house remains asleep.

You know that I want you, and you know that I need you...

But suddenly I found I was accessible to everyone all the time. The little snot will begin to buzz and I know it is something I should be addressing, but I don't want to right now. And it doesn't stop. I know that I am out of the office but I don't want to leave someone hanging when I know I can answer and help them right away. And anyone knows that by sending me an e-mail I will see it so its not like hitting "ignore" on the incoming call works anymore. There is no peace!

I don't wanna be friends...

I turn it off but I may miss something really good so I turn it back on...

Want your bad romance...

And I answer the e-mails and calls...

Want your bad romance...

And I pay the bill that has just become available online...

Want your bad romance...

And when the battery is dead I am curled up in the corner in the fetal position until it comes alive again.

If I keep on this path Amy Winehouse and I will be BFF's any day now.