The Long Goodbye...

I hate goodbyes...really I do. I hate saying goodbye to my children in the morning as we go our separate ways. I really hated saying goodbye to my brother the night before he moved away. Let's just "stoic" was not in my vocabulary that evening as I sobbed like a baby not knowing when I will see him again. But the really hard goodbye I have been struggling with for days has been to V.

Perhaps you remember my previous lament over V and his waning health. V is...was... my Sony Vaio laptop. My very first laptop, my companion, my confidante, my study-buddy, my journal, my friend. Yet V was getting on in years and unlike me, who tends to ignore my age and think of it as nothing more than a number, V was starting to feel his oats.

He pulled through on more than one occasion (it is amazing what throwing money at a computer geek aficionado can do to prolong the inevitable.) V was cruising along, feeling fine, when I thought I would give him something nice. Something like Microsoft 2010. Admittedly, this was one of those, "I bought it for you - it's yours - but we'll both get a lot of use out of it, right? 'Cuz I know how much you like to share, right?" gifts. And V wasn't having it.

I popped the disk in and it began to sing. And we actually got a "Your update is successful-blah-blah restart-blah-blah now or later blah" message. (These are technical terms; don't try these at home, kids.) I was gleeful! I was singing! I felt like such a hip and happening computer geek genius ready to get down to business with V, tearin' up the keyboard with new Microsoft stuff. And then it happened...

V went blank.

I never saw it coming. There wasn't a dry heave...there wasn't a gasp...there wasn't a "I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth!"...there wasn't anything. He was just...gone. And I was alone.

I suddenly felt very vulnerable. How could I access my finances? How could I pay my bills? How could I get on FaceBook?!?! The room started to spin and I couldn't breathe...this could not be happening!

But it did. And now V is gone. Suffice it to say, he died with his boots on. And as I sit at the monstrosity of a desktop in our basement family room (just how big are these things, for Pete's sake?) as it slugs along mercilessly slow (the only thing keeping it from becoming aerodynamic is I am too tired to lift it) I am happy to relay we will have a new member to the family in the next few days.

As I say goodbye to V, I anticipate the arrival of V2. She should be here any day now and I see good times ahead for the two of us. Classes begin in two weeks, bills are due, lists need to be created (did I ever tell you I am a list-maker? We'll talk.) and work needs to be done. I can't wait to meet her and I know we will have as beautiful a relationship as V and I had.

But I hope she knows ~ V left BIG shoes to fill.

In honor of V and my dear one - you know who you are.