Monday, August 29, 2011

She Came, She Saw, She Went...

Lady of Hurricane ~ Michael Cheval

This weekend Upstate New York, along with much of the Eastern Seaboard, hosted a most ungracious visitor. Hurricane Irene announced she would be arriving by Saturday evening and could be extending her stay right into Monday. And I was in no mood to entertain.

I preface this by sharing with you, dear reader, my mother-in-law's name is Irene. Coincidence? I think not. Because while my mother-in-law is really great and I have tremendous respect for her, I have on occasion witnessed (and dare I say been the brunt of) her anger. Armed with these experiences I went into this visit with full knowledge that if Hurricane Irene anger is anything like mother-in-law Irene anger, well...I was in for a heap of trouble.

Saturday evening Hurricane Irene quietly presented her calling card. With silent tears, she gently cried a soft wind of announcement. Me, in my always-calm-and-level-headed-manner, introduced her to the family:

"She's here! She's here! Get the flashlights! Lock the doors! Bolt the windows! Stay away from the windows!"

Of course, dear teenage son understanding my concern and ever the help asks, "Well, how I can I bolt the windows AND stay away from the windows? Can't I go to Josh's?" to which I reply absolutely not. Doesn't he realize the hurricane is here? He gives me the look yet patronizes me with staying home. In the end, I got my way and isn't that really what matters? But I digress...

Irene was quite the pleasant guest Saturday evening. Ever so softly she sang against the window, running her fingers through my hair and lulling me to sleep. Irene, however, is obviously NOT a morning person because by the time we awoke Sunday morning, she was an outright b@!#$.

Perhaps the thread count of the sheets did not meet her expectations. Perhaps she does not care for my towels or perhaps the coffee was not her cup of tea. Whatever her situation, in no time at all she ripped out our power and began tearing limbs down from our trees. As if this was not enough, she would turn the power on (Yea!) then slam it back off (Boo!) What kind of person is this?

By Sunday afternoon Irene stopped her incessant crying. But then she started to howl and man-oh-man does this chick have a set of lungs. And an arm...she ripped apart the lawn and threw branches and limbs everywhere...I mean everywhere

All Sunday and into Monday afternoon we had no power (all I can say is thank heavens for generators. Whoever invented these handy things just jumped to the top of my "Greatest Inventors of All Time" list.) Lucky for me, when I awoke this morning our most ungracious guest had left as silently as she arrived. Of course, she made no offer to help clean up but I didn't even mind; I was just glad she was GONE. 

I am absolutely exhausted from the aftermath of this most unwanted house guest. Our yard and our home are back in order and one would be remiss to see where she even imposed. However, a walk around the block brings a startling reminder of her blatant rudeness as the back of a garage dangles over the side of an embankment preparing to dive into the rushing water any moment now. I have seen how positively horrible she was to others she imposed upon and I say a prayer of thanks she didn't stay longer or wreak as much havoc in my life.

To those not so lucky, you are in our prayers along with the hope she never darkens our doors again.


  1. So thankful you didn't feel her wrath too much. My heart went out to everyone on the East Coast as I sat glued to CNN watching everything unfurl. Mother Nature seems to be really reeking revenge this year :-(

  2. Glad Irene wasn't bad for you. She wasn't bad when she came to my house, but she caused me delay when on Sunday, the family ventured to Philadephia and was surprised to see a road had become a mini lake.

  3. Despite the vile subject matter (I don't like this Irene either!), this was a fabulous post--so well written. Tragic...yet made me laugh too (this could be due to the fact it is 1:00AM and many things may appear funny that aren't--not that you aren't funny no matter the time but hurricanes are. not. funny.) xxBliss

  4. I'm glad to hear that your damage wasn't too severe.
    But, seriously, this is probably the best write-up of Irene that I have read.

  5. Dear Beth,
    I was upstate for this mess and I could look out my window and see neighbors floating in rowboats, in what used to be a lawn.
    I want to be back in my NYC sixth floor apartment but I shall remain until my mom gets better.
    I rented a place across the street from her and I was hit hard, fortunately only her basement flooded which ruined most of my college art work, predominately bad academic nudes which we had to throw out in a public dumpster which the town provided.
    She was mortified until her pain pills kicked in. Sadly our neighbors had to throw out more prized possessions, photo albums, entire wardrobes...
    I dunno, say a prayer for my mom, mine do not seem to work.
    X David


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