Yes, yes, I know...women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Tomes have been written about all-she-does-is-nag-he-never-puts-the-toilet-seat-down-he-takes-me-for-granted-all-she-does-is-nag blah, blah, blah. Dr. Phil has built an empire off this stuff. Yet as one who has claimed it all to be horse-puckey, I am finding comic relief from the male/female points of view in my own little world.
Case in point...today someone relayed to one of us there needs to be a one-on-one conversation with another in our group. Being the ever-constant
paranoid freak concerned friend I am, questions immediately ensued: "Oh no! Did we offend him? Why didn't someone tell us sooner? Did we hurt someone's feelings? When did this happen? How do we make this right?" As scenarios swirled though my head over what could possibly be amiss, my friend says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa...you are reading WAY too much into this." I looked at him (of COURSE it is a "him") and question, "Why? What do you know? Is everything alright?" to which he answers, "I have no idea, but you are definitely reading too much into this." Obviously women's intuition is totally lost on my dear friend...
And it doesn't stop here, this total disconnect between the sexes. I wish someone...anyone...could explain to me why grown men feel the need to pat each other on the behind during any sport they play. Shooting hoops? Pat on the heiney. Throwing a football? Pat on the heiney. Bring in a home run? Pat on the heiney. Triple word score in Scrabble? Pat on the heiney. I can honestly say I have NEVER been in any situation with my girl friends when I have had the indescribable urge to pat them on the heiney. Could you see it? "Guess what, girls? Double coupon day at the grocery store! Gimme some!" and BAM! Pat on the heiney. And while I am quick to assure my guy friends this doesn't happen, they are equally quick to point out to me how much guys all wish it did. Perverts...
Another guy thing I will never understand is how they show affection to each other through total humiliation. The more they bust on you, the better they like you. The grosser the name they can come up for you, the higher esteem you are held. And the coolest of the cool generally have the most disgusting experiences or stories to share. I would like to think we women hold ourselves to a higher standard than this, showing our affection for one another with nice notes or endearing messages. Not guys...their respect is shown when one crop-dusts the other and the victim actually says, "good one."
I will never understand why guys find it so funny to see another guy get hit square in the groin. As one dear male friend explained to me, "It's funny because it's not happening to me!" This must be the appeal of all the Jackass movies, because I am quite sure no woman would find humor in letting anyone smack her in the face with a huge fish, blast her with a fire hose or paint gun, or kick her in the privates for the sake of another's entertainment.
In short, I have determined during my 42 years on earth I am no closer to understanding the differences between men and women than I was in my teens. No matter...I love the guys in my life and appreciate the diversity they bring to my world. I just pray they don't look upon me as one of the guys and dub me with an embarrassing nickname like they do one another. And don't even get me started on the crop-dusting. It's definitely a guy thing.