Happy New Year, my friends! We have so much to catch up on...
There has been so much going on in my world and I have had so many life-awakening
smacks in the head epiphanies I hardly no where to start, so I guess I'll go back to where I can recall they began.
In November I had a bad weekend. I am not referring to one of those darn-it-I-stubbed-my-toe-and-the-cat-threw-up-in-my-shoe kinda weekends; I mean a I-am-a-total-failure-at-life-and-I-knew-I-could-only-fool-everyone-for-so-long weekend. I hope you have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. Sadly, this brought me to the darkest point I have ever experienced in my life and although to the majority of the world it seemed I got over it pretty quickly, those closest to me know how hard this hit me.
There was a pearl of wisdom flying around Facebook about the strongest people actually being the ones who need to feel loved the most; the most confident ones actually needing to feel appreciated, etc., etc. As one of the confident, strong ones initially I scoffed. However, I now humbly offer this bit of wisdom as confirmed truth. Sometimes those of us who take care of everything and everyone need to be taken care of as well.
Working so hard to finally relieve my family of debt snowballed over the past few years, I found myself a few days before Christmas struggling in silent Hell over how to provide a beautiful Christmas for our children. I had already broke the news that we could not go on our yearly vacation to Florida and as they always shoot the messenger, I wasn't sleeping and seriously lacked an appetite. Despite my strong faith, I truly felt completely alone. I should have known better and remembered to trust...
After the horrible November weekend I was given an Angel who let me have a total breakdown and work it out, reassuring me I am not a failure. And right before Christmas, an Angel relieved my burden and will never completely comprehend the gift given to me. "Thank you" will never relay my love and devoted appreciation. I remain completely overwhelmed and I can honestly say I have lived "The Footsteps"...when I felt desperately alone I was indeed being carried.
Last night I had a dream. I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to me, the other to the Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
2012 is going to be a great year and I look forward to spending it with you.