Elf On A Shelf? Oh, Puh-Leeze....

Every now and then I see these crazy fads and think to myself, "Self, you need to get on the stick...we are about four great ideas too late from becoming a millionaire." Case in point, back in the teenage day when I was a babysitter and found myself suckered in gainfully employed the evening of the Easter Bunny's or the Tooth Fairy's planned arrival, if said hooligan tot would not conform cooperate at bedtime, I had a system ready to go. I would call a friend on the sly, have them call back and ask to speak with said hooligan tot where they would scare the crap out of them convey the importance of getting to bed on time because they could not come until all were asleep. Hey, what you call cruel I call character building, but lets not split hairs...

Enter in the "Elf on a Shelf." Are you kidding me? If you have not heard of this $30-you-will-never-get-back-again let me enlighten you...

Parents purchase "magical Elf" to sit on...yup, you guessed it...a shelf. Every night when the kiddies go to sleep the Elf flies back to the North Pole to inform Santa if the kiddies have been naughty or nice that day.  This got me to thinking...too bad we don't have such spies informers for adults. So now without further ado, I am proud to introduce you to...

Slob on the Job!

Yes folks, Slob on the Job is here to end your days of working alongside slackers who have perfected the art of looking busy. As you do your job AND cover the tasks of the slacker, Slob on the Job is there to assure your Boss who is dependable and who is not. 

Working overtime while slacker sneaks out early? Don't worry! Slob on the Job sees it all! Has someone stolen your tasty lunch from the office fridge or drunk your soda clearly marked with your name? Rest assured...Slob on the Job is on the case.

As slacker puts forth doo-doo mediocrity at best, Slob on the Job is there with laser precision. And when all else fails, Slob on the Job becomes yet another person for slacker to blame for mistakes he/she can't ever admit to making, creating a less hostile and more work-friendly environment. 

Yes ladies and gentleman, forget the Elf on a Shelf, Slob on the Job will be sweeping the nation. So send four easy installments of $9.99 plus shipping and handling to 1234 Slack No More, Everywhere, USA or call 1-800-JOB-SLOB and get yours today.

Hurry! Operators are standing by.